This might be a bit long for one blog post, but in my experience expectant people like to read about birth! That said, I’ll break this into two parts for you to enjoy some reading during these socially distancing days. - Tamrha
When everything started getting shutdown with Covid-19 issues and the birth world, I had a mama who I supported twice reach out to me after she saw the Virtual package go live. “I sort of had you virtually…by mistake!” she texted. Then, because she’s amazingly awesome, she offered to write down her thoughts about that experience if I thought it would be helpful.
I loved the idea! So, I tossed her some questions. You’ll be able to read those below and discover the reason she had virtual support ‘by mistake’. After that, you’ll be able to read the thoughts from a planned virtual support client. In fact, it’s from the 200th mama I had, who’s birth I wrote about a few days ago.
“Opps.. Virtual Support!” Thoughts from Jessica Z.
Tell us about your second pregnancy and why you decided to rehire.
It was so easy to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy with my first. The odds were stacked against us because I have PCOS, but somehow, we managed to get pregnant the first month we tried without the use of anything other than a calendar. I was hopeful that the second time around would be the same experience, boy was I wrong. Having a second baby took us on a journey we never imagined. We tried for months and were unsuccessful and then finally, a positive test! I was so excited and planned to call my doctor on Monday to get scheduled for labs to see if I needed progesterone supplements again. Unfortunately, I woke up the next morning and was bleeding. I had experienced a very early miscarriage commonly referred to as a chemical pregnancy. The next month rolled around and I was elated to get a strong positive! I was able to get into the doctor right away, start my progesterone, and went in for an early scan to make sure everything was okay. It was! I had all of the typical early pregnancy symptoms and we started planning. We told family and friends, and everyone was so excited. I went to the doctor for a 10-week check and learned that our baby no longer had a heart beat and by measurements had stopped growing the day before. I was by myself getting that news and I was beyond devastated.
When we had healed emotionally enough to try again, we were scared. We were successful that first month of actively trying after our losses. I remember seeing the positive and feeling accomplished for having gotten pregnant this round and then immediate fear and anxiety of what was to come. My doctor got me in right away for labs. My HCG looked great and was more than doubling, but I did once again need a progesterone supplement. I had a few more labs pulled for HCG where the numbers continued to more than double. We anxiously went in for our first ultrasound and received the shock of a lifetime. We were definitely pregnant, with TWINS!
After the shock wore off, the anxiety of “what ifs” set in. I knew I needed Tamrha’s support, but I was terrified to tell anyone I was pregnant, let alone start making plans for the delivery! I reached out via text, gushed to her about our losses and admitted to her how terrified I was. Tamrha soothed me by letting me get it all out on the table, she provided me with pregnancy after loss support links and groups and recommended a few books that would help offer more perspectives. I hadn’t even hired her again and she was already my rock. Fast forward literally just a few days, I began bleeding again. I was devastated and certain I was going to miscarry. After an emergency ultrasound visit, we found out that everything was actually okay and that I had a sub-chorionic hemorrhage. I bled over the course of the next 7 weeks every day and sometimes quite heavily because of the hemorrhage. Tamrha was there for me every step of the way. Tamrha was patient and kind and so supportive through all of it. Tamrha supported my mentality through a time where I was constantly asking her for feedback, opinions, and resources. Most of the time, this was all through text and email because I was too emotional to talk on the phone. When our 20-week anatomy scanned finally came and the maternal fetal specialist confirmed that both babies were healthy, I reached out to her and I remember her being just as excited and relived as we were. Thankfully the rest of the pregnancy was pretty easy with no complications.
Can you describe how having your doula phone and text support was helpful during your induction?
My water actually started leaking on a Tuesday evening, but I didn’t realize it was my water. I woke up the next day and was showing early signs of labor, but I blew it off as just being uncomfortable. I was a bit more than 36 weeks at that point. I called my doctor just in case and they had me go to L&D to get checked. I was so convinced that I was not in labor I didn’t tell anyone I was going in, nor did I bring my hospital bag. After getting checked out, they confirmed that my water had broken, but I had not started dilating yet. They told me that I was going to be admitted and they would start the induction process with Pitocin immediately. I was shocked. I actually called Tamrha before I called my husband! We were able to talk on the phone and come up with a plan over how to handle things, but I asked her not to come just yet since I wanted some time with my husband. As time went on, I was not dilating in any sort of “good pace.” Because my first labor took so long, I was worried about how long this one would take. I called Tamrha and told her what was going on. She was able to give positions that would open my hips and allow baby to come down and help with dilation. Eventually, I was moving into active labor and handed the phone off to my sister. My sister guided me through Tamrha’s advice and helped me along. I don’t know why I didn’t feel ready for Tamrha to come in person yet, but I didn’t. She was more than willing to provide the support over the phone and do what made me comfortable at the time. We had never planned on doing this by phone, but we ended up doing it this way because that is what I needed at the time. By the time I was ready for Tamrha to come for the birth, I was surprised to learn that I was finally dilated to 10 and ready to push! We called her back and told her the news. She immediately said that it was fine and she would transition her doula support hours from birth to postpartum.
How did virtual support help your husband?
Steve was very anxious through the labor process. He was concerned about me because my BP was running a low and concerned about how things were going to turn out. We had to keep changing positions because both babies had to be on the monitors at all times. He was doing the best he could to keep me comfortable, but was getting a little frustrated when he felt like he couldn’t help. Even by phone, Tamrha was able to guide Steve on how to help me. She instructed him through helping me get comfortable, helped me keep moving and changing positions, and was able to get him to refocus how he could help me. Tamrha’s guidance allowed him to be so supportive to me. He was anxious and probably even frustrated with how long the induction was taking, but Tamrha helped him work through his emotions so that he could continue to support me.
With my first birth and the birth of the twins, Tamrha was always aware of and supportive of dad. Birthing is an emotional process for both parents and Tamrha’s support made such a positive impact in both of my birth experiences. When I think of the people involved in my births, I immediately think of how calming and soothing Tamrha was at all times. Even when things didn’t go as planned, she talked with us and helped us understand the options that were being provided to us. The nurses are there for you of course, but they are in and out of your room. If it weren’t for having the support of a birth doula, I am not sure how we would have felt when things weren’t going as planned. For my in person doula experience and remote doula experience, Tamrha helped to keep us focused and calm throughout the entire process.
How did this help your sister?
My sister Missy was with me for the labor and birth of my oldest and I wanted her there for the twins as well. With the birth of my oldest, Missy and Tamrha worked together as a team. The plan was to do the same this time around, but we ended up doing this by virtual support instead. Missy became my point person to provide updates to Tamrha and seek advice on how to provide comfort measures or get me into a new position. Missy was even able to FaceTime Tamrha in so that she could see what was going on, talk directly to me, and help with any positioning. This was so helpful! I loved having Tamrha’s support even though it was virtual. Most people have loved ones and friends that may be desired to be a part of the birth. Having the support of a virtual doula allows that person, even if it is your partner, to take a more active role in assisting and supporting the mother. It was a really special experience!
Why do you think planned virtual support would be beneficial?
Planned virtual support would be great because the parents would know ahead a time that this is the plan. Had I known this is what I was going to end up doing, I would have brought a computer with a camera. I would have planned a set up that would allow Tamrha to be connected with us over a video conference like zoom. It also would have been nice to have a screen larger than my phone, but it all worked out. Given the uncertain times we are in now with the pandemic, I would absolutely plan for virtual support. At this time I am sure many moms have all kinds of emotions around who is “allowed” to be with them. I would not want to worry about how I would have access to my doula or partner! Planned virtual access will provide you with support, no matter what. When I think about my first time in person doula and my second time virtual experience, they were both positive experiences and I would highly recommend either method to expecting parents.
Thank you Jessica!
Look at this beautiful family!
